We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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