He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize