I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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