After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
