I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
