i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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