actually, I'm a sock model
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
