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Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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