I'm lost and stupid without you.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
