You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
this hospital has no fireball
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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