Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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