I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
