Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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