I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
