i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize