No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
