My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
