I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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