I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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