I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
