Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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