Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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