the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
