think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
