Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
