I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I want a musical about memes.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
