Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
