Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
