It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
