if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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