He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize