it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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