Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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