Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
