Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize