I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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