ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
