The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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