Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
