We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
