In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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