I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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