the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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