yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
