Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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