Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
