Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
