I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
