he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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