Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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