he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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