i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
