i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
The Olympian is in my bed
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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