I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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