She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize