apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
