i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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