do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize