I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
