That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
