so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
