my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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