Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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