i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Randomize
