six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
