do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
