I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Randomize
