That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
