just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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