After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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