allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
