I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
