so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
