I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
So here I am, sexting at work.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
