i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
