Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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