You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
